Nieuw beginnen

I posted this story on my facebook but I think I will repeat it here again. After a huge dark storm has passed, I had a dream. A dream of having a fully tattooed body from head to toes. Some of them was Korean letters. But somehow I regretted having tattoos and desperately wanted to erase everything. But I woke up without doing so. This meant something I thought. This is something extraordinary and it tries to tell me something. I searched for dream interpretations.

Yes indeed. My dream was reflecting my psychological and emotional status. It meant that I suffer from not being able to express myself and my emotions. And I just endure these sufferings. How great. This was so accurate I was little bit scared.

Anyways like I said the huge dark storm has already passed. It is calm and I hope this continues till I die. It is such a waste of time and emotions. I hate playing emotions. It is not productive and not healthy.

To compensate my shredded emotions, I hurried myself to buy tickets. Tickets that will send me to some other places. I initially wanted to go to Paris with Shan in the fourth week of February but since I have a vacation in the third week, why not go somewhere then? Getting some fresh air as early as possible is a better idea.

So I bought return tickets to Madrid! Only if I had more time, I would've gone to Barcelona as well but I can't skip my classes. I am a very strongly-study-committed student :-) In Madrid we can also practice some slecht Spanish as well! Haha.

Another friend of mine who is studying in Finland also suggested to travel Helsinki together with her. Yes waarom niet? Just thought of travelling already made me so up-beat and happy. And I believe this is also a very good idea for a nieuw beginnen. There will be some financial crisis over the next few months, but what the hell! I just go for it.

It is only good for me. Getting some fresh air and travelling with old friends of mine :-)

Belgen zijn koud

I was threatened to leave this country. I became almost a homeless. Everything was useless. He was cold - te koud. 

Geen belgen begrijpen mij. 

Everybody has their own reasons to be like themselves now. I don't comment more on that. It's pitiful and shameful, so I don't have any more things to say. Maar belgen zijn simply koud - te koud. If you don't know about something well enough, please be careful with your words on that.

I am totally an outsider. Niemand begript mij. Niemand! It is sad but true. Your narrow-mindedness and stubbornness will slowly make you realise what you've done to me. Slowly but eventually.

Wat kan ik nu doen? Niks.

 

Osho moment - Right NOW!

Yes, I desperately need an Osho moment. So I opened any pages of the book 'Bliss: living beyond happiness and misery', and read. 

Bliss p.61

You are ill, you are in distress, life is filled with problems, so you get drunk and everything seems to be alright. A bum walks into a pub, and when he leaves there is a song on his lips. You buy happiness at the cost of losing the small ray of consciousness that you have. But these things will never bring bliss to you, because happiness is nothing but the forgetting of sorrow, whereas bliss is the remembrance of your being. It is not the forgetting of something, it is a total remembrance of something. It is not a forgetting, it is a total remembrance.

p.105

People have to be ready to suffer for the joys of success and ambition they pursue their whole lives, to suffer in the same proportion as the amount of happiness they pursue - and those hardships and sufferings will break them completely. Long before they have experienced any success, they will have become almost a failure. Nobody ever succeeds in this world, because you have to go through so much insanity, so much madness as the price for this success, that by the time success comes it is not worth having.

The bliss of self-realisation is totally different: you don't have to pay any price for it, because what you are trying to reach is already present in you, here and now. It is not somewhere in the future - that you have to go in search of it and work hard for it. It is present here, it is present now. You already have it; it is your intrinsic treasure. There is no need to go through any sufferings as a price for it.


DUS!!!! moet ik mijn 'intrinsic treasure' vinden. This is the time I need a break and a sound meditation.

silver nails?

The name of my blog or website always has been 'moonlight flitting' since I was in Middle school (junior high school). There were two reasons why I named my blog like that. Firstly, I liked and still like the moon. I love anything to do with the moon and moonlight and don't know the reasons why. I just like it. Even my first tattoo is a crescent moon. The second reason was when I made my first blog, I was in love with this Korean band 'Moonchild'. They were four but after the two albums (I guess), one left the group and they changed the band name to M.C the Max. I still loved their music. And I still do now.

Anyways, I made a blog and a fan page named 'moonlight flitting' as if I wanted to flee somewhere with the members of the band :-) And the matching word 'moon' was very important. I remember when I was deciding how to call the name of the fan page, I went through my dictionary starting from MOON of course. And then I chose that name. That was almost 12-13 years ago. Time flies!

My old fan page no longer exists but my other blog is still 'moonlight flitting'. As logging into Naver server was so slow when I was in Australia, I made another blog 'Kika y Shortbus'. I think it was mainly to keep my detox diary in Canberra. I still wrote after the detox programme but abandoned it again after abusing it to express my extremely hurt feelings. Anyways it was called Kika y Shortbus for the obvious reasons. I love the movies 'Kika'(Pedro Almodovar) and 'Shortbus'(John Cameron Mitchell). By the way I don't think I posted any movie related stuff :P

And why silver nails and brussels for this blog??
I knew I was coming to Brussels and thought it would be fun to record my life in Brussels. It hasn't been really fun so far (haha) but anyways I continue. So the 'brussels' part in the name of my blog is obvious but why 'silver nails'? I hardly wear nail polish. I used to wear only in Uganda where I didn't need to do all the house chores that would ruin the nails and the nail polish was dammmmmmn cheap.

Silver nails, this is again related to a singer (not a band this time). While I was in Korea before coming to Uganda/Belgium, I enjoyed watching some singing competition TV show and there was this girl called '이하이' whom I really really liked. I loved her voice and style. One day, she wore this very cool-looking silver nails and I found them so so so fascinating I even bought myself a silver nail polish. I tried only once (haha) anyways that is the reason why I named this blog 'silver nails and brussels'. Maybe I instinctively wanted to be like her in a mysterious European city.

Now I gave a thought and summerised on that, I should wear silver nails tonight. :-)

 

Sapiosexual

something that is stuck in my head today
sapiosexual, dat ben ik

New Year's Reception at the Castle

Op dinsdag 22 januari 2013, gingen Bart en ik naar het Kasteel Hertoginnedal (Château de Val-Dutchesse) voor de Nieuwjaar receptie.

Everybody I met at the reception told me how historically important the castle has been in the Belgian and European politics. It is the place where the Treaties of Rome and the European Economic Community were prepared and founded. There was a plaque explaining about the intergovernmental conference in 4 different languages - French, Dutch, Italian and German.

Surprisingly there was no speech, we just had to enjoy wine and limited vegetarian finger food. They were serving soup - supposedly witloof soup... So I finished it but it had shrimps on the bottom. YUK! Anyways it was such fun talking to people and just enjoying the atmosphere.


***
신년맞이 리셉션
유럽정치에서 굉장히 중요한 장소에 초대받아, supposedly 중요한 사람들 틈에 끼어서,
신나게 마시고 신나게 떠들고 왔다 :-)

Home-made scones

It's been such a long long long time since I wanted to bake this scone! It's made with love of course ;-) and with olives and potatoes. It was my first time to make scones and by judging from its taste, I can say it was a successful attempt :-)

With some raspberry jam, the scone was melting in my mouth and filled up my hungry stomach. I should bake some more vegan breads with wholemeal flour as I made once in Brisbane... :-) Ah good memories.


***
스콘을 구웠다. 태어나서 처음 만들어본 올리브+감자 스콘은 완전 성공적 >_<
다음번엔 비건 브레드를 구워야지.

 

Mijn verslaving; my addiction

I fell in love with Milosh few years back and I am still. I am so addicted to his voice and style. I simply love all his music. I wish he could come to Belgium and perform. That will be my day!

My Pandora bracelet.... this is indeed an expensive addiction. Somehow the shop assistant recommended me a big bracelet (19cm) regardless of my wrist (14cm) size. But if I make it a full-charm bracelet...... it will look prettier and more fitting. I've never worn such an expensive jewelery but I think it as a treatment to myself :-)

My favourite comic book! I simply love Urasawa Naoki! I prefer Monster but 20th century boys is also a very good comic book :-) I am re-reading it in Dutch and it has been good so far. 

Mijn Ukulele met inlay stickers! Awww I am not yet very addicted to playing ukulele but will be soon - once I become better at it :-)


***
그래 벨기에에서의 삶을 긍정적으로 생각하고 싶다면, 지금 내가 누리는 문화적 혜택을 생각하는게 가장 좋을 것 같아. 그 중의 하나인 만화책과, 음악 그리고 영화.

우간다나 다른 개발국에 있었더라면 이런걸 누리기는 힘들었겠지.
물론 자연과 화창한 날씨를 compromise 해야하긴 하지만 :-)
여하튼 오늘도 밀로쉬의 음악을 들으며 자야겠다

Het sneeuwt! (een keer meer!)

Het sneeuwt! Het was heel koud maar het was moooooooooooi :-)
Somebody drew three hearts (for me) on strangers' cars. I was being very careful not to fall down when I walked to the Dutch lesson.

In the lesson, we had a very interesting conversation on 'alternatieve geneeskunde'. I wanted to explain about 'cupping (부황)' and had difficulties due to my lack of Dutch! I somehow managed to mention small cups that apply on body to take out negative energy. I just wanted to finish my explanation there. But! there was another person who knew about cupping! It was Mo from Iran and he also tried cupping and he even explained the part of taking out blood. He added that people do cupping in order to take out 'slecht bloed' as well. zwarte bloed = slecht bloed = ongezond! And everybody was like 'eeeeeuw', but we smiled. Yes it works!


***
난 눈이 정말 정말 싫지만, 하얀 눈으로 뒤 덮인 암비오릭스 스퀘어는 정말 아름다웠어.
출근하면서 그려준 하트도 마음에 들었어.

부황얘기 하다보니.. 나 침도 맞고 싶고, 부황도 뜨고 싶다!

de goede voornemens voor het nieuwe jaar

Ik heb sommige voornemens voor het nieuwe jaar.

I didn't really make big new year's resolutions, but I will try to make them happen :-) Obviously the most important thing for me now is to learn languages - both Dutch and French. My Dutch is okay I think, but mijn Frans is heel slecht dus moet ik Frans meer leren!

After waiting so long for the new French course to open, I could finally register (thanks to mijn nootjes). Dus, mijn eerste voornemen is om Frans en Nederlands te leren. Mijn tweede voornemen is om exercise en yoga te doen. I also want to keep positive mind and not be pessimistic.

Like I always jokingly say to Bart, I will master French and beat his French! umhwahwahwa



***
프렌치 코스에 등록을 했다. 네덜란드어보다 많이 비싸지만 -_-+
브뤼셀에서 생존하려면 조금 더 인텐시브하게 배울 필요가 있기때문에.

Kerst cadeautjes

First posting of 2013 is about my cadeautjes! My sis Bona sent me a hand-made card from Korea. I could feel lots of love from her! Miss her so much.. and all the times we spent together.

Bart gave me an iPod classic. Now I can listen to various kinds of music (even including 80s). Haha

For my family in Korea, I bought some clothes and chocolates. I don't think I will send stuff to Korea anymore because the post tariff is too expensive...... I prepared around 4.9kg of gift to Korea but when the guy at de winkel measured it was 5.040kg which meant I had to pay 129.60 euros instead of 64.80 euros. But the guy was being sweet and he made my package 4.999kg :-)

It is quite unfair that the tariff of packages is not based on each weight but according to weight group like 0~5kg, 5~10kg etc.

I am now so happy that I sent some gifts for my family. I miss them a lot :( (sniff sniff)


***
벨기에에서 한국으로 소포를 보냈다.
1월 세일기간에 쇼핑을 대단하게 하고, 아빠와 동생을 위한 옷, 엄마를 위한 신발
그리고 모든 가족들을 위한 초콜릿과 와플정도.
아 그리고 가장 중요한 달력 :-)

0~5kg까지는 64.80유로이고 5~10kg까지는 129.60 유로라서 처음 계획은 많은 물건들을 준비해서 10킬로 가량 보내야지. 했는데, 경제적 사정이 급변해서 딱 4.9킬로를 준비했더랬다.

그런데 막상 포스트를 보내려니 5.040kg가 나왔다. 아저씨는 나에게 129.60유로를 내라고 하고 나는 '아~ 일부러 집에서 무게 재고 5킬로 이내로 맞춰왔는데요~~' 이랬더니, '그래 너가 젠틀하니깐 내가 이렇게 해준다' 하시며 저울에서 내 패키지를 내리더니 임의로 4.999kg로 만들어 주셨다. 홍홍홍 호주에서 물건 보낼때는 열흘이내 도착했던 것 같던데.. 이번엔 얼마나 걸릴까. 유럽은 더 머니깐 더 오래 걸리겠지?

그나저나 가족들이 좋아했으면 좋겠다.

shopping/winkelen

Shopping!
Oh well, there is no such thing like 'boxing day' in Belgium, instead there is a mega sale period in January. So I had to wait for January to come for good deals. But since I was going to Antwerp, a great shopping city, I couldn't resist myself but to go shopping :-)

My main purpose of 'winkelen' was to buy Christmas gifts for my family and Bart, however a thought of mega sale couldn't go away from my head.... so I couldn't buy much.

I found something that Bart needed for a long time, yes.
I also found a pair of black flat shoes that I needed for a long time, yes.
I wasn't really searching for Pandora store but.... on the way to Hugo Boss I 'accidentally' passed the shop and couldn't resist going in. There I got myself a charm!

A tigress charm. This is supposedly new year collection of Chinese Zodiac signs. It isn't even on the website. I feel like I am a '신상녀'.

After spending enormous amount of money :( I just wanted to chill by browsing books in a bookshop. There I found a book about sex toys. Interesting. This country is so liberated and publishes all sorts of books! Oh well I checked the publisher and it was from the Netherlands. Nice.

I immediately bought it because it was fun to see such book. This is unthinkable in Korea - finding a sex toy book in a normal bookshop in the daylight. Wonder about the content? It is really detailed and informative (with many sexy pictures), apparently. :-)


***
두번째로 다녀온 앤트웝. 갈 때마다 쇼핑을 하지만 이번에는 1월의 세일을 기다려야 하기 때문에, 많은 물건들을 구입하지는 않았다.

그렇지만 나의 지름신은 결국 나의 소비욕구를 멈추지 못했고, 몇 가지 물건을 샀는데 그 중 가장 재미있는 아이템은 성인용품에 관한 책. 굉장히 디테일하고 많은 정보가 담겨져 있다. 물론 너무나도 섹시한 사진들과 함께. 이거 너무 재미있는 아이템이다 싶어서 바로 계산대로 들고가 구입 :-)  대낮에 그것도 일반 서점에서 이런 책을 살 수 있다니 참 이 나라 많이 오픈되어있다.

그리고 나를 위해 구입한 판도라 참. 우연치 않게 발견한 샾을 그냥 지나칠 수가 없어서 ㅠ_ㅠ 예상에도 없던 지출이... 그렇지만 점원언니가 신상품이라면서 십이간지 참들을 보여주는데, 나의 사인 호랑이는 안 살 수가 없었더랬다. 홈페이지에는 아직 업데이트가 안되어있다. 호호 이런 기분이 바로 신상녀의 기분?

그렇지만 나 너무 소비주의에 물들고 있는 것 같아. 나를 위해 무언가를 사면 기분은 좋지만 한 편으로는 이런거에 기쁨 느끼는 내가 조금은 슬프다. 

memories

A thought on memories from the past

Someone told me our past is everything.
I think what he meant was that our past has led us to the present and finally define us.
Past is important in a sense that what and who you are is all based on your history. Experiences you've had, people you've met, difficulties you've gone through... everything makes who and what you are now. Yes I agree on that. But is it necessary to always refer to your past when you are living the present?

Maybe it is if you are old and have not to much adventure ahead.
Maybe it is if you are not happy with the current situation.
Maybe it is if you are not sure about your life now.
Maybe it is if you studied history.

Till the point I was busy pursuing my dream and when also being disappointed by reality in Uganda, I was always a future-oriented person. Thinking about the present and how it would affect the future in general. Past was simply something irreversible and something that happened which I couldn't do much about it. If you are stuck in affairs or memories from the past how will you go forward?

It will swallow you up. It will slowly rot you to death. There is no progress - this means end to me.

I think this attitude helped me survive this harsh world. All the nasty things happened to me.... I couldn't take them with me so I abandoned everything there... sometimes even good things too.

Now I think again, whenever I had a conversation with my friends from high school, I seemed not to remember or even I didn't think I was part of it. Some friends said it was because I went through so much after high school unlike others. That might be true but even things happened in Uganda seem so long ago.

I don't seem to hold so much memories or histories within myself. I just live the present and things pass by. I don't embrace much of the past. Is it because I am such a selfish cold-hearted bitch? Or simply because I have short-term memory problems? Or do I regret so much about things happened in the past and just try to justify myself by not remembering/ reminding myself?

My brother once tried to define me or try to make me define myself but I don't even remember how it ended and the questions is still there.

My history defines me. I have no doubts on that. But living in the past destroys you. Trying to correct wrong things from the past is justifiable. Reflecting good things from the past to the present is also what we do all the time. But being stuck in the past does no good. No good at all. 

Amelie Nothomb

자주가는 카페에서 내가 쓴 글에 어떤 분이 아멜리 노통에 관한 덧글을 남기셨다.
(여담이지만 그 분의 덧글을 보고 아멜리 노통이 벨기에 출신인 걸 처음 알았고,
벨기에 외교관의 딸이라는 것도 처음 알았다)
그래서 가만히 생각해보았는데, 내가 유일하게 읽어본 소설은 '반박' 밖에 없는 듯.

그래서 혹시나 해서 예전 블로그를 뒤져보니 -
역시나 2004년도 수능 끝나고 한창 여가 시간이 많을 때 읽었더랬다.

그래서 다시 그녀의 quotes를 여기다가 옮겨 적으련다.


사람은 스스로가 어떤 인물인지 알지 못한다.
자기 자신에게 익숙해 진다고 믿고 있지만 실제로는 정반대이다.
세월이 갈수록 인간이랑 자신의 이름으로 말하고 행동하는 
그 인물을 점점 이해할 수 없게 된다.
그렇다고 문제가 되는 것은 아니다. 
자신에게 낯설게 느껴진다고 한들 무슨 불편이 있을 것인가?
그편이 오히려 나을지도 모른다
자신이 어떤 인간인지 알게 되면 혐오감에 사로잡힐 테니까. 
.....

피해를 입는 경우에 장점이 있을 수 있다면 그건
피해 당사자가 자신의 인내력의 한계를 시험할 수 있다는 점이다.
내적 성찰을 해본 적이 없는 나는 내 마음속 깊은 곳을 들여다보고는 깜짝 놀랐다.
마치 거기서 미지의 힘을 발견하기를 기대했던 것처럼. 


글쎄 나는 나를 잘 알고 있다고 믿지 않는다.
딱 일 년 전쯤 런던 포트레잇갤러리 레스토랑에서 동생과 대화를 할 때도
동생과의 대화와 의견 교류가,
나의 존재, 나의 성격, 나를 완성하는 모든 것들에 대해서 곰곰히 생각하게 만들었다.

내 이름으로 무언가를 말하고, 내 이름으로 행동을 하지만
어쩔때는 나는 백프로 솔직하지 못한 사람 처럼 느껴지기도 하거든.

내가 어떤 인간인지 알게 된다 - 이건 어느 경우에도 불가능한 것 아닌가.
누가 어떤 기준을 잣대로 어떤 가치를 가지고 나를 평가 혹은 정의 내릴 것인가.

 it (all) depends

pleasant (double) surprise!

When I came back from the party on Thursday night, there was a package for me, from China.
He must've sent this this Monday or after but it was already here. So fast. I was really impressed with the service DHL provided....

Thanks again to JJ for nice vegetarian curry paste and the puzzle!
I am going to make laksa soon! My laksa >o<!!!

So the package from China was the first surprise for me. 

It was so fast and I loved the things in there :-)

Plants vs. Zombies... I used to play this game a lot while I was still in university. I don't play it anymore but I actually attempted to play a bit yesterday. But soon I gave up and just focused on making this puzzle. haha It is really cute!

In the evening, Bart and I played Agricola. This is not my favourite game because I suck and Bart is so good at it. Anyways I won the game last night! Hahaha this was my second surprise :-)
I finally beat him and now I can happily resign to play this game. I think I am unnecessarily too competitive in these little games.

ik ben blij vandaag

생은 얼마나 많은 소근거림으로 가득한가.
스무살이란 원래 막막하라고 있는 나이 같다. 확실한 건 아무것도 하지 말라고 있는 나이.....
어른들은 습관과 의무 속에서 살고 아이들은 충동과 잔소리 속에서 살며
스무 살의 나이는 몽상과 도주의 욕망 속에서 살아간다.
그러니 설사 막막할지라도 슬퍼할 필요는 없다.스무살의 권리니까.

전경린 <나비>中

글쎄 이 구절을 한국의 현 시대에 반영해 본다면 막막한 나이는 스무살이 아니라 이십대이다. 

열아홉 즈음부터 스물아홉.. 혹은 서른까지. 

호주에서 학교를 다니며 막막한 점이 있었다. 공부도 늦게 시작했는데, 졸업 후 일을 제대로 못 구하면 어떡하지 막막했다.

다행히도 졸업 전에 계약직이지만 취업을 했다. 취업을 하고 나니 현실과 이상의 괴리가 너무 커서 힘들었다. 나의 꿈이 망가지는 것 같아서 막막했다. 현실에 안주하며 물들어 가는 내 모습을 보니 막막했다.

나의 선택으로 머나먼 유럽땅에 왔지만 취업이 생각처럼 쉽지 않아 막막하다. 점점 바보가 되어가는 것 같아 막막하다. 프랑스어 실력이 생각처럼 일취월장하지 않아 막막하다.

But I felt different today. In the morning I enjoyed translating an article for ILDA, I enjoyed playing games, I enjoyed eating spicy Korean food, I enjoyed eating chocolates without feeling guilty, I enjoyed a short stroll in the neighbourhood, I enjoyed the party with my classmates and I really enjoyed talking to my classmates and their families. I was actually surprised to see myself having a conversation in Dutch. Maybe I should organise this kind of get together thingy :-)

너무 나만의 생각에 갖혀서 막막해 하지 말자.  내 삶엔 많은 소근거림이 있고, 그것들에 귀기울일 필요도 있어. 하찮다고 생각할 필요없다고. 아무리 작은 것이라도 아무리 흔한 것이라도 항상 pay attention and appreciate. 나의 평화와 행복은 나의 attitude에 달려있다는거.

love from faraway...

오늘은 무려 2004년에 네이버 블로그에 썼던
무라카미 하루키 산문집의 한 구절을 재탕하려 한다.


마음이란 사용하는 것이 아니다. 
마음이란 그냥 거기에 있는 것이다.
마음은 바람과도 같아서 당신은 그 움직임을 
느끼는 것만으로도 좋은 것이다. 

나의 인생은 이미 많은 부분을 상실하고 말았지만
그것은 겨우 한 부분이 끝났을 다름이다.
이제부터 무엇인가를 
거기에서 얻을 수 있을 것이다.

Murakami Haruki <한 없이 슬프고 외로운 영혼에게>



Yes I was sad maybe I am still.
Once I tried so hard to control my and others' mind/heart but it was no use.
Yes it is supposed to stay still. It is supposed to feel the wind, feel everything that passes by.

Part of my heart is severely burnt and now blackened. I lost that part. It is not functional anymore.
I lost half of my cheerfulness. I am sad and lonely which can't be explained by any means.
I am still young and if the world doesn't end this Friday, I will live even longer.

First and a half chapter of my life is closing now but I'd better learn from and use my blackened part.
It is merely a part that has seen the end. Merely a part of me.....

vegetarian night!

he was so happy to cook vegetarian dishes.
from bread to dessert - it was a success!

ummmmmmmmmmmm 't was super lekker!
brood was heel lekker!
hoofdmenu was een beetje zwaar maar lekker!
chocolademousse was super super lekker!

alles was huisgemaakt


***
베지테리안 나잇.
맛있는 홈메이드 음식과 와인은 언제나 행복을 가져다 준다네~~

Pandora's box

Yes.. I opened Pandora's box few weeks ago.. and this is deadly addictive!
Since I made some money in the last two weeks, I wanted to treat myself something special.

I am not really a jewellery person but I couldn't help but keep looking at charms and rings from Pandora website. So... as a reward of my HARDWORKING, I gave myself a beautiful ring :-)

Initially I wanted to buy this ring in Leuven after work, but the ring was not there and the shop assistance had to order one from me both in 50 and 52 size.

But the day after when I was supposed to go and try the ring, the company gave us a lift to Brussels. So... hmmmmmm I had to go to a shop in Brussels.

Anyways this ring was also the last one... the shop assistance said I am lucky. Yes I am lucky enough to buy this ring by myself... hahah :-)


***
판도라의 상자를 열어버렸다.  판도라의 매력 아주 위험하다 ㅠ_ㅠ
열심히 일해서 돈을 번 기념으로 나에게 반지를 선물! 

missing Uganda (terribly)

Talking to Emily last night made me so want to go back to Uganda. I miss people, sunshine, nakawa market, owino market, sweet potatoes, tropical fruits, relaxing in Munyonyo and so many....

Australia is definitely my second home but Uganda gives me the most sentimental feelings.
There I grew, I learned a lot, I learned how to compromise with the world,
I was disappointed, I disappointed people, I was hurt, I hurt people,
I was happy, I made people happy,
I became a bit mundane and I grew again.  


***
호주에서는 대략 6년 정도 살았다.
인도에서는 딱 3개월 살았다.
우간다에서는 대략 1년을 살았다.

호주는 항상 제 2의 고향 같은 곳이고, 인도는 꼭 다시 돌아가고 싶은 곳이며
우간다는 뭔가 마음이 아련해 지도록 그리운 곳이다.

우간다가 내 마음을 아련하게 만드는 이유는,
학교 졸업 후 처음으로 부모님의 도움을 벗어나 혼자 서게 된 계기를 마련해 준 곳이고,
국제 개발에 큰 꿈을 가지고 처음으로 일을 시작한 곳이기도 하고,
정말 나의 인생에 큰 영향을 미친, 그리고 미치고 있는 사람들을 만나게 된 곳이고,
사람들에게 사랑을 많이 받은 곳이라. 

어제는 에밀리랑 간만에 스카이프 데이트를 했다. 역시 눈에서 멀어지니 마음이 멀어진 건 아니지만, 뭔가 대화소통이 조금 어색했다. 내가 피곤해서 그런 것도 있겠지만 우리들의 이야기는 오버랩 되는 것이 하나도 없으니깐. 그래도 나이로 따지면 한참 동생인 에밀리는 나에게는 항상 언니같은 존재.

보고 싶다 우간다에 있는 사람들. 에밀리도 보고 싶고, 귀요미도 보고 싶고, 센터장님도 보고 싶고, 고양이들도 보고 싶고, 알렉스랑 모세스랑, 제랄드랑, 티나랑, 리타랑 ... 그냥 다 보고 싶다. 그리고 이름을 이미 잊어버린........ 그린샵의 친절한 사람들도. 헐 ㅠ_ㅠ