memories

A thought on memories from the past

Someone told me our past is everything.
I think what he meant was that our past has led us to the present and finally define us.
Past is important in a sense that what and who you are is all based on your history. Experiences you've had, people you've met, difficulties you've gone through... everything makes who and what you are now. Yes I agree on that. But is it necessary to always refer to your past when you are living the present?

Maybe it is if you are old and have not to much adventure ahead.
Maybe it is if you are not happy with the current situation.
Maybe it is if you are not sure about your life now.
Maybe it is if you studied history.

Till the point I was busy pursuing my dream and when also being disappointed by reality in Uganda, I was always a future-oriented person. Thinking about the present and how it would affect the future in general. Past was simply something irreversible and something that happened which I couldn't do much about it. If you are stuck in affairs or memories from the past how will you go forward?

It will swallow you up. It will slowly rot you to death. There is no progress - this means end to me.

I think this attitude helped me survive this harsh world. All the nasty things happened to me.... I couldn't take them with me so I abandoned everything there... sometimes even good things too.

Now I think again, whenever I had a conversation with my friends from high school, I seemed not to remember or even I didn't think I was part of it. Some friends said it was because I went through so much after high school unlike others. That might be true but even things happened in Uganda seem so long ago.

I don't seem to hold so much memories or histories within myself. I just live the present and things pass by. I don't embrace much of the past. Is it because I am such a selfish cold-hearted bitch? Or simply because I have short-term memory problems? Or do I regret so much about things happened in the past and just try to justify myself by not remembering/ reminding myself?

My brother once tried to define me or try to make me define myself but I don't even remember how it ended and the questions is still there.

My history defines me. I have no doubts on that. But living in the past destroys you. Trying to correct wrong things from the past is justifiable. Reflecting good things from the past to the present is also what we do all the time. But being stuck in the past does no good. No good at all.