Nieuw beginnen

I posted this story on my facebook but I think I will repeat it here again. After a huge dark storm has passed, I had a dream. A dream of having a fully tattooed body from head to toes. Some of them was Korean letters. But somehow I regretted having tattoos and desperately wanted to erase everything. But I woke up without doing so. This meant something I thought. This is something extraordinary and it tries to tell me something. I searched for dream interpretations.

Yes indeed. My dream was reflecting my psychological and emotional status. It meant that I suffer from not being able to express myself and my emotions. And I just endure these sufferings. How great. This was so accurate I was little bit scared.

Anyways like I said the huge dark storm has already passed. It is calm and I hope this continues till I die. It is such a waste of time and emotions. I hate playing emotions. It is not productive and not healthy.

To compensate my shredded emotions, I hurried myself to buy tickets. Tickets that will send me to some other places. I initially wanted to go to Paris with Shan in the fourth week of February but since I have a vacation in the third week, why not go somewhere then? Getting some fresh air as early as possible is a better idea.

So I bought return tickets to Madrid! Only if I had more time, I would've gone to Barcelona as well but I can't skip my classes. I am a very strongly-study-committed student :-) In Madrid we can also practice some slecht Spanish as well! Haha.

Another friend of mine who is studying in Finland also suggested to travel Helsinki together with her. Yes waarom niet? Just thought of travelling already made me so up-beat and happy. And I believe this is also a very good idea for a nieuw beginnen. There will be some financial crisis over the next few months, but what the hell! I just go for it.

It is only good for me. Getting some fresh air and travelling with old friends of mine :-)

Belgen zijn koud

I was threatened to leave this country. I became almost a homeless. Everything was useless. He was cold - te koud. 

Geen belgen begrijpen mij. 

Everybody has their own reasons to be like themselves now. I don't comment more on that. It's pitiful and shameful, so I don't have any more things to say. Maar belgen zijn simply koud - te koud. If you don't know about something well enough, please be careful with your words on that.

I am totally an outsider. Niemand begript mij. Niemand! It is sad but true. Your narrow-mindedness and stubbornness will slowly make you realise what you've done to me. Slowly but eventually.

Wat kan ik nu doen? Niks.

 

Osho moment - Right NOW!

Yes, I desperately need an Osho moment. So I opened any pages of the book 'Bliss: living beyond happiness and misery', and read. 

Bliss p.61

You are ill, you are in distress, life is filled with problems, so you get drunk and everything seems to be alright. A bum walks into a pub, and when he leaves there is a song on his lips. You buy happiness at the cost of losing the small ray of consciousness that you have. But these things will never bring bliss to you, because happiness is nothing but the forgetting of sorrow, whereas bliss is the remembrance of your being. It is not the forgetting of something, it is a total remembrance of something. It is not a forgetting, it is a total remembrance.

p.105

People have to be ready to suffer for the joys of success and ambition they pursue their whole lives, to suffer in the same proportion as the amount of happiness they pursue - and those hardships and sufferings will break them completely. Long before they have experienced any success, they will have become almost a failure. Nobody ever succeeds in this world, because you have to go through so much insanity, so much madness as the price for this success, that by the time success comes it is not worth having.

The bliss of self-realisation is totally different: you don't have to pay any price for it, because what you are trying to reach is already present in you, here and now. It is not somewhere in the future - that you have to go in search of it and work hard for it. It is present here, it is present now. You already have it; it is your intrinsic treasure. There is no need to go through any sufferings as a price for it.


DUS!!!! moet ik mijn 'intrinsic treasure' vinden. This is the time I need a break and a sound meditation.